Ready To Smile Again

I do believe it’s time to start smiling again. I can’t say that I've been “unhappy” per se, but I have felt disconnected from certain people and areas in my life. However, I can say with confidence and reassurance that June is turning out to be a very good month; quite possibly the best since the start of 2014.  In fact, astrologist Susan Miller – who I adore very much - did put it best in this month’s Gemini Horoscope,“You have just come through two very tough months, April and the subsequent pressures of May . . . you need a month to sort out all that has happened in recent weeks, so plan to take a step back, and take the necessary time to make sense of what is happening in your life now.”  

So, I think now is an appropriate time to reevaluate where I want to go and what I'd like to accomplish from now until the end of 2014. Just the other day I wrote down some personal goals that I'd like to work on for the rest of the year: 1) lose 15 pounds - I've already lost about 10 since March and would feel even better about myself if I could continue on that path. 2) Be more active with my free time.  3) Take an actual, for-real vacation. I've been wanting to have a getaway for a while, so now I'm definitely going to make it happen.

In the past several weeks I've definitely felt the emergence of my old self starting to rush out again, and just because there are things that are going well in my life - some areas I still need to work on.

Social:  This week has been a reflection of what my life was like back in 2011 and 2012. I've had plans EVERY DAY after work; dinner with friends, going to events where I know absolutely no one – only to find that I have a lot in common with these strangers - who have now become my acquaintances.

C'est la vie: "That's Life!" I need to stop breaking my own heart. That sounds silly but it's true. I haven't been very kind to myself lately and this is due to the residual mess that comes with a break-up. Most days it's OK. I don't think of him in the morning. I don't dwell on the hurt. I'm not longing for the past because the realization is that since the breakup I'm more relaxed and have experienced some of the best times of my life. But even though months have passed it's not always that easy because it still hurts sometimes. On those days, I find it's easy to be swallowed up in the sadness and all that confidence I had days ago comes crashing down, and the thoughts don't seem to want to stop - "You lied to me." "You caused me pain." "I'm angry with you." "I'll never forgive you." "I miss you." "I want you back." "I want our life back." But then the realization sets in that I'm only hurting MYSELF because, well  . . . I'm the only causality. I've stayed alone on this roller coaster for several months in hopes that maybe with just one single word, the ride would come to a halt. Alas, it hasn't. So it's time to get off the ride and say, "C'est la vie". I need to stop hurting myself.  To be honest, as much as his silence pains me, I respect his decision because it would be worse if there was contact. There would be more confusion. So, I'm working on having similar willpower.    

Hobbies: Some of my passions and hobbies are starting to come back as well. I've been reading every night before bed which always helps my ever-racing mind to calm down, so I can actually get some sleep. However, these days I haven't been sleeping very well, I seem to wake up every night around 2:30a. At one point in my life I was reading a book every 2-3 weeks by just making sure I read at least 50 pages a day. When you think about it, that's not a lot of reading, maybe an hour or more? I'd like to make that a habit again. On days when it's still nice outside after work, I've either been going to the Metroparks for a walk or I've been relaxing by the pool. I've made it a goal to NOT waste time inside when the weather is so nice. This last winter was so brutal and gloomy that it would be a shame to let the summer go by without enjoying it's presence while it's still here. Because believe it not - the summer will be over before I know it.

I can't say I'm where I thought I would be when I rang in the New Year months ago, but I'm where I'm supposed to be. Connecting with people I'm meant to be with for one reason or another. I believe this quote to be true: "People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person."  It's quite possible that someone is supposed to be in my life for a lifetime - it will just be spaced out during the appropriate times and seasons.