Tori Amos Experience

It's official - I made it!

Well, it's been a week. I think enough time has passed for me to write an official post about my first Tori Amos concert experience.  If you don’t already know - and how could you not - I’m a huge fan of Tori Amos. Since I first heard her cover of Nirvana’s “Smells like Teen Spirit” when I was in high school and after my purchase of Little Earthquakes, I can easily say I haven't been the same. As a person who has always loved music, I don't think I had ever heard or connected with such a musical artist until I listened to Tori. Every song somehow speaks to me in a way that I can't even try to explain. 

I'm ready for my date with Tori

It’s not surprising to think that I haven’t seen Tori Amos in concert until now, mostly because I was a lone Tori fan in my circle of friends. None of my friends knew who she was … let alone wanted to see her in concert.

However I did meet a fellow Tori lover in college, I’d call her more of an acquaintance than a friend.  She even provided me with bootleg versions of Tori’s live concerts; but I wasn't close enough with her to be like “hey, let’s go to a concert.” 

It wasn't until I met my cousin’s now wife that I found my “kindred spirit”. She’s just as big of a fan as I am - if not bigger. She’s always told me that seeing Tori live in concert would change my life, and indeed it has.  When we learned that Tori was touring this summer we immediately agreed to go. Mind you, said “kindred spirit” was pregnant with twins at the time, but this would not stop a Tori fan … except that it did. 

So, I was left with a pretty expensive ticket on my hands, to a show that I figured no one would want to go to.  I had it set in my mind that I would be going alone … until I wrangled my dad into joining me for the evening.  As a  music buff himself (and the person I get all my music knowledge from) I knew he would enjoy a live show, but I was hesitant about exposing him to such a femmy and angsty artist, and showing him a part of myself that not everyone sees. 

Tori Amos is easily my most played artist so I didn't change any of my habits leading up to the concert.  I would stalk her twitter feed after every show and check out the set list, even creating my own “ideal set list” that I’d like to hear on August 7^th at Cain Park, Cleveland, Ohio. In anticipation of the concert, I made sure to listen to zero Tori songs all day ... because I wanted a fresh perspective the night of the show.

The day of the concert I felt like a kid on Christmas!
See evidence below. 

I had a seminar for work from 2-3:30 pm, which allowed me to work from home the rest of the day. So I was conveniently able to calmly (but excitedly) get ready without feeling rushed. When my dad called me to ask me what time I would be meeting him at the house, I told him that I was “primping” and “I feel like I’m going on a date with Tori tonight.”  I wanted to be sober for the concert so I could remember EVERYTHING and I wanted to be completely immersed in my experience, but I did have a glass of wine while getting ready … and my dad and I “cheers-ed” to Tori with a beer before she took the stage.

It was my first time at Cain Park and I was blown away by the venue. It’s a very intimate setting and our seats were perfect! We were on the left side in row K, so we had a great view, especial during her dual piano playing! When we got to our seats I was sitting next to 3 gals about my age, who were such pretentious Tori fans … I felt at home.  We talked about our favorite albums, how “old Tori” is better than “newer Tori stuff”, but that her “latest album has a hint of old Tori”.  I kind of left my dad to himself for a couple minutes as I’m sure he had no idea what he was getting himself into with this conversation. 

note the red nervous blotches on my neck

The opening act was pretty bad (in my opinion). The folky male and female duo sounded like they played the same song for 20 minutes.  Nothing varied and it wasn't anything that put me in the mood for Tori ... but then again, what could? Instead my anticipation grew even MORE and I started to become anxious … my red blotches are always evidence of my nervousness. Also, the guy who would come out and polish her piano keys must have done this two or three times and I just kept wondering … “OK, how much longer are you gonna make us wait, Tori?!”

The other thing that irritated me about this wait were the two girls in the row ahead of us, who were flirting with the security guard – and probably 3 songs into the concert he allowed them to move up to one of the first rows.  I said to my dad, “I’m cute and pretty, and can flirt too … but I’m with my dad, so I won’t!"  I wasn't too upset though because I paid for some pretty damn good seats.

Finally around 8:40 pm Tori fluttered onto the stage.  The next hour and an a half went by in a blink of an eye, but I took in as much as I could. I love the connection that Tori has with her fans. She feeds off the energy of the crowd ... off their excitement ... their rowdiness ...all the "I love you, Tori!" shouts. 

The experience from what I can remember is as follows: 

I of course found myself getting teary-eyed during Northern Lad, "I thought we'd be OK, me and my molasses"; I got chills and threw my hands in the air at the first key strokes of Spark, "if the Divine master plan is perfection / maybe next I'll give Judas a try"; during Mother I was pretty entranced (probably with my mouth gaping open) and I remember staring at her wondering how any one human can be so amazing: "tuck those ribbons under your helmet / be a good soldier"; I smiled during the crowd favorite Cornflake Girl; finally, and maybe my favorite of the night, Precious Things during the encore, "I wanna smash the faces of those beautiful boys / those Christian boys". 

It was MORE than I could have ever asked for! At times I leaned over to my dad and said “this is my favorite” and his response was, “I thought they’re all your favorites.” This is kind of true. *shameless* As we were walking to the car, after the concert my dad broke the silence with this statement, "All I can say is she's INTENSE!" I think he enjoyed himself and may have possibly walked away a teeny-tiny Tori Amos fan. In my case, I walked away from this experience as an even bigger fan than I was before. Thankfully I had Friday off (which I totally planned) because I knew I would have an emotional / Tori hangover ... 

Thank you for making my year, Tori. You are a legend in my book.  Until next time . . . because there will hopefully be a next time.  

Cleveland, Ohio set list (8/7/14)

hip hits: Version - Angry Chick Music

these boots were made for walkin' - nancy sinatra

be careful, fellas. this is the best warning song ever. love it

Black Roses Red - Alana Grace

Circa 2006 anyone? This is such a powerful and beautiful song. i love the simplicity of the line, "can you turn my black roses red?" someone has to make me believe again.

Tear You Apart - She Wants Revenge

this song totally screams passion.

Wonderland - Natalia Kills

i've been obsessed with Natalia Kills for almost a year now. I first heard "zombie" last spring and since then I have been such a huge fan of hers. I must have posted all of her videos on facebook. I'm drawn to the dark side of things and I appreciate creativity that isn't afraid to push the limit and be a little out there.

Sticks and Stones - The Pierces

such a wicked song. these gals are smart, talented and morbid - in such a sexy way. their lyrics and uniqueness are so mesmerizing. I adore them.

"but you get scared when we're alone, like I might suck your blood . . ."

resurrected

It's been nearly a year and while so much has transpired, reading these previous posts, I realize that I haven't changed much. That's reassuring and startling at the same time. I always feel like I'm this ever-changing being, but I've come to accept the person I am with each passing day and with each experience.

". . . I've never known the lovin' of a man, but it sure felt nice when he was holdin' my hand . . ."

This song resonates with me at the moment.

A very sweet friend left me a card on my desk this morning and inside she wrote the following quote:

"Some of us may have felt confused when people encouraged us to be ourselves. How could we know ourselves or be who we are, when, for years, many of us submerged ourselves in the needs of others? We do have a self. We're discovering more about ourselves daily. We're learning we are deserving of love. We're learning to accept ourselves, as we are for the present moment - to accept our feelings, thoughts, flaws, wants, needs, and desires. If our thoughts or feelings are confused, we accept that too. To be who we are means to accept our past - our history - exactly as it is. To be ourselves means we are entitled to our opinions, our beliefs, and our mistakes - for the present moment and subject to changes. We accept our limitations and our strengths. To be who we are means we accept our physical selves, as well as our mental, emotional and spiritual selves, for now. Being who we are means we take acceptance on step further. Being who we are, loving, and accepting ourselves is not a limiting attitude. Accepting and loving ourselves is how we enable growth and change." - From The Language of Letting Go - Daily Motivations

my relationship with music

I've always considered myself to be a bit different than a lot of people I know. Not in the "I'm a real weirdo" kind of way, but partly because I'm a little complex and it's particularly difficult finding people to relate to. Even when I was younger I felt as though I didn't relate to a lot of my peers even though I had a lot of friends. I have vivid memories from when I was probably 8 or 9 years old, sitting in the woods in my backyard with a notebook writing about God knows what.  In junior high, I would spend hours in my room listening to music and memorizing lyrics, specifically every word to Don McLean's "american pie". To this day I know every word to this song because I listened to it on repeat making sure I deciphered each word exactly right. I never felt "alone" even though I may have been physically alone because I had the comfort of music and words. I would write stories and poems (which I still have) and listen to music on repeat and identify with the lyrics.

That girl is who I still resonate with to this day. She is still at the core of who I really am.
For as long as I can remember music has seriously helped me get through my days. From a young age I have always used music as a way to understand and feel connected to my thoughts and feelings. The first thing I do when I wake up, after starting the coffee, is I turn on music. Lately, I've chosen to listen to "Take to the Sky" or "Secret Spell" by Tori Amos, or on particularly slow-moving mornings "Here Comes The Sun" by The Beatles. Music helps me concentrate. It motivates me. It calms me down

I think my love for music has a lot to do with having a Dad as a DJ growing up. Music was always at my disposal since he started collecting vinyl when he was a teenager and continued to buy music through his career as a DJ. Growing up mostly anything I wanted to listen to he had available to me. I still hear stories about when I was baby, my Dad would play music when watching me and my sister, and we would just laugh and dance around the basement. As I got older this tradition has somewhat remained in tact. Some nights he and I will jam and listen to oldies - I just don't dance like I used to....well, sometimes I do, I'm not gonna lie. I swear my Dad is a walking musical encyclopedia. My favorite example was when I was driving home from work and I recognized a song on Magic 105.7 (a local Oldie's station) and I wanted to remember it so I could download it later. I of course forgot it, but I said to my Dad, "There's a song I heard on the radio, it's kinda slow-ish and I think there are three words in the title - C something C. Any idea?" My Dad quickly responds with "Crimson and Clover?" He was exactly right...just from my crappy description. He's pretty fantastic that way.

I'm like my father in the sense that I have A LOT of music, but I don't collect vinyl like he did growing up - I have CDs and mp3s. But it's still a similar hobby that we have in common.

This is my favorite scene from High Fidelity (besides the Bruce Springsteen scene) because I relate to is so much. I don't know how many times and how many hours have been spent organizing and then reorganizing my music. Like Rob says in this scene "it's comforting..."

But never have I organized my music autobiographically. Although in my early 20s I did try to keep a music diary as a way of remembering songs that I listened to at particular points in my life. I tried to go all the way back to elementary school...because yes, I still know that when I was 8 years old I used to make up dances to the song to "justified and ancient" by KLF. Anyway, the music journal/diary got all messy when I realized I was listening to a "2003 song" in 2009 for nostalgia purposes...how does one categorize that? Maybe as a re-visitation? I don't know...but, alas, the project fell through. Maybe I should consider resurrecting it.

you still got a secret spell

When people ask me what kind of music I like to listen to I'm always quick to say that I love classic rock (true) and that I love Bruce Springsteen (very true). But my iTunes will tell a very different story - it is a labyrinth of indecipherable confusion. However, I really do "love" Bruce Springsteen in the most honest, school-girl crush kinda way. His music "soothes me."  My love for Bruce is very, very different from my love for Tori. I only bring this up because I'm always hesitant to let people in on my love for Tori Amos because of my history and personal affiliation with her music. It's sort of my own secret relationship. In fact, I sometimes don't know who I would be if her music hadn't existed. She has been a huge musical hero and inspiration to me for most of my life. Her music has helped me through some of my darkest, darkest periods and each time it is her poetic, musical genius that pulls me through whatever secret prison I'm stuck in or pain I'm struggling with. I always feel liberated listening to her music. No matter how many times I listen to her songs, each time I discover a different message.

Secret Spell is one of the few songs that is resonating with me these days. (Putting the Damage On is the other...for several reasons.)

in one hand dreams a plenty
in her smile a secret spellthere have been disappointments
these she knows all too well
but you losing you
was not a part of this plan
so...
jumps at three tears at thirteen
just turn you around for
eighteen wheels in a high heel
turn you around
sold a dream at twenty three
turn you around
hold outyou still got your secret spell
at the heart of the matter
someone wove a secret spell
mixed with girl not so peaceful
angel and animal