Book Review: The Fault In Our Stars

I just finished reading The Fault In Our Stars by John Green.  Having read Paper Towns by John Green a few years ago, I was familiar with his writing.  In all honesty, I picked this book up on a whim.  Moving into the new apartment I knew I would be without cable for a few days and this would be a quick and captivating read, which would distract me for just enough time.  However, I didn't plan on liking it as much as I did.  It really does live up to the hype – especially now with the movie coming out.  I made sure to avoid the images and the trailer for the movie because I wanted my own vision of the characters, not based on what has been decided from Hollywood.  However, as soon as I finished – I must admit to Googling “The Fault in Our Stars Movie” and scrolled through the images with pleasure. 

       

Despite being a very emotional person on a daily basis, most books I read do not make me cry; but this one … this one definitely did.  I found myself staying up WAY past my bedtime, with tears streaming down my cheeks and onto my neck, as I kept reading and turning page after page ... until I was finished.  When I finally did finish, I re-read the last page one more time just to make sure there wasn't more to read.  Sadly, there wasn't.

The Plot (which really is this simple): A story of two teens, Hazel Grace and Augustus, with cancer.

While that sounds depressing, it really isn't.  This book is funny, witty and enjoyable, and yes - at times very sad.  Think - Juno meets Cancer. To describe this sentiment, I think this quote from Hazel nails it, “I told Augustus the broad outline of my miracle: diagnosed with Stage IV thyroid cancer when I was thirteen. (I didn't tell him that the diagnosis came three months after I got my first period. Like: Congratulations! You’re a woman. Now die.)”  Not having read many books about teens with cancer myself (i.e., A Walk To Remember), I didn't know what to expect.  Yes, it is a young adult book (with a certain demographic in mind) but this isn't High School Romance stuff.  It is a book about real kids with cancer.  It's about life and death, illness, heroism and how teenagers are supposed to accept the fact that they will die and leave everyone they love behind.  

I think the teen characters in the story are a little precocious and advanced on their intellect and insight about life and death; however what do I know about living with cancer?  Maybe when you're an already angst-y teenager faced with death on a daily basis you have to become a little witty about the cards you've been dealt.

In the end it doesn't matter if I thought Augustus Waters was douche-y with his "i'm-too-cool" attitude because as the reader I cared about the characters.  And despite him coming off as pretentious and so overly charming, in the first few chapters, I'd like to think if I were a terminally ill sixteen-year-old girl and a boy like him from Support Group kept staring at me and told me “ . . . it would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you,” yeah, I’d fall for him, too … hard.  Duh.   

At times it's difficult to read about the characters' circumstances.  For example, when Hazel says things like, "my lungs suck at being lungs" or “I kept telling my lungs to shut up, that they were strong, that they could do this."  However, it is written in such a way that the characters aren't defined by their cancer; yes, it consumes their lives but it doesn't define who they are.  There are a variety of other elements in the story that help the reader understand that Hazel and Augustus are MORE than their illness. They really are just teenagers, who happen to be living with cancer.    

In the end, it's a good book if you're up for an emotional roller-coaster.  It's nothing genius or groundbreaking, but it's an enjoyable read nonetheless. 

Some Quotes: 

“You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, old man, but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices. I hope she likes hers.”  (Augustus) 

“My name is Hazel. Augustus Waters was the great star-crossed love of my life. Ours was an epic love story, and I won't be able to get more than a sentence into it without disappearing into a puddle of tears. Gus knew. Gus knows. I will not tell you our love story, because-like all real love stories-it will die with us, as it should." . . . "I can't talk about our love story, so I will talk about math. I am not a mathematician, but I know this: There are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There's .1 and .12 and .112 and infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities. A writer we used to like taught us that. There are days, many of them, when I resent the size of my unbounded set. I want more numbers than I'm likely to get, and God, I want more numbers for Augustus Waters. But, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn't trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful.” (Hazel) 

  

Feels Like Home

 For the first time since March I feel like I’m finally coming back into myself.

marking my territory

I’m a little surprised it took me this long to start to feel normal again, and while I’m not 100% back to my old self I’d like to think for the most part I am.  Overall, I’m mostly OK.  I guess that’s all any of us can really hope for – that on most days we feel “generally OK” about things.  

I can’t really complain that much because my life has been exciting again. I've been going out more.  I've reconnected with some people in my life, who at one time really defined who I was - mainly the friend I have known the longest.  I’m laughing a lot more.  There are also a couple new people who seem understanding and patient, given the situation.   

I know that with time things will only continue to get better.  I've said this before and I’ll say it again – I've come back from a lot worse.  I suppose the plus side to having before experienced breakups is knowing that I’m pretty much going through the stages of loss/grief: 1) Denial 2) Anger 3) Depression 4) Acceptance.  I can confidently say that the month of May has been the month of acceptance.  Thankfully it’s not over yet because I’m still working on it.

While the memories still talk to me from time to time, they have quieted down since moving out of the old apartment.  It’s so funny that I can’t even refer to that apartment as “my own” because for some time it wasn't just "mine".  However, in my new place, I’m starting to feel at home again. It feels like me. Each day it’s becoming the the space where I can see myself growing and experiencing the life I want to live. At the core, I basically know what I want in my life and I have to say I’m on the right path to getting it. I think that’s why things fell apart earlier this year … we weren't on the right path with each other, and I may have been pushing my own direction while neglecting where his was taking him. 

being handy

Part of what made this move so monumental (I guess that's the word I would use?) is that I felt like an adult.  It's funny thinking about this because just the other day I was saying to a friend - who is in their late 30's - it might be true what they say about your thirties being the best decade because I’m definitely finding that to be true … even though I’m just about to turn 31. 

Anyway, what I think made this move different was realizing that the life I had in the old apartment was just that ... "old"! It was cathartic to get rid of part of that past life. There were things I had from my childhood bedroom, when throwing away, felt good to finally let go of. Other things I kept in a small box that is now in the second bedroom closet - a little out of sight, but not ready to part with.

dinette

living room

When I moved into the last apartment, I bought all the furniture myself.  However this time around I've been able to decorate a little more appropriately with a larger budget than 5 years ago. While I still love all the pieces I own, having it placed in such a way makes it feel more homey. Plus it really does have a nice "zen" atheistic, if I don't say so myself.   

So, really this new space feels more like me than any other place I've been and I think that goes back to knowing who I am and only wanting to surround myself with things that will enrich my life and make me feel better

Overall I'd like to think I'm in a much better, brighter and happier place.  Things are definitely looking up for me as I round out another chapter and milestone - my 30th year.  If someone a year ago had told me what my 30th year would be like, I never would have believed them.  Coupled with that that, if someone six months ago would've told me I'd be where I'm at right now - I still wouldn't have believed them. However, everything truly does happen for a reason and the things I've gone through this year are experiences I'm thankful to have had and I'm thankful to have experienced such a great year with a very special person, who changed me for the better.  But as they say, that is all in the past.

Moving on to a new space, a new attitude and a new direction.  

Five Friday Fundamentals

 i. Listening:  I’ve always gotten great satisfaction out of creating perfect Pandora stations.  Right now I have a few that I’ve been listening to frequently and which I think are truly exceptional.  1)Pharrell Radio – which is probably my favorite station to listen to in the morning when getting ready for work.  A little Robin Thicke, Outkast and Jay-Z always helps to get me started with my day. 2)The Spill Canvas Radio – which totally channels my “angsty” phase of life (circa 2007). Bands like: Taking Back Sunday, The Used and Something Corporate. Finally and most obviously 3)Beyoncé Radio – I mean, duh. I’m obsessed with Mrs. Carter.

This is what my computer sees today. 

 ii. Reading:  I started reading The Fault In Our Stars by John Green a couple days ago and I already know I'll end up finishing it tonight.  I'm envisioning a glass of wine, reading and crying - since I already know it's going to have a sad ending.
 iii. Wearing:  As per usual for Casual Friday at work, I’m wearing jeans and a spring-y type top, since it’s nearly 80 degrees out.  Thank you Cleveland weather – I’m enjoying you these days.  
iv. Watching:  I’ve been enjoying Shark Tank and Dateline, as always.  However my newest obsession has been reruns of Will & Grace.   

v. Wanting:  To finally get cable in my apartment.  First they came on Tuesday, only to tell me that I needed to have a new cable cord installed, which was supposed to be yesterday.  However, the guy who came on Tuesday never submitted the work order, thus I spent a whole day waiting around for nothing.  Now I guess it’s going to be installed next Tuesday.  We shall see.